Overcoming My Own Fear and Unworthiness
I was 29, married for just 3 years, when my sister Kayla called with some shocking news.
With a shaking voice she announced, “I can’t be around you and your husband anymore.
“It’s too painful to watch how he treats you. And I can’t stand by while you allow it.”
My body froze as I clutched the phone.
I paused for what felt like minutes. Then I managed to squeak out, “Are you telling me you can see that?”
Until then I thought it was all in my head. Because that’s what my husband used to tell me. Over and over again.
Whenever he belittled me and I felt hurt, he told me to get over it.
“I was kidding,” he’d smirk. “You don’t know how to take a joke.”
But honestly, it never felt funny. Because his digs were always at my expense.
Like the time I was pregnant with our first child. And with friends over for dinner, he announced how excited he was about all the things he was going to teach her.
“I am, too,” I piped up, feeling giddy with excitement.
Then he shot me a look that shut me down. “What in the world could you possibly teach her?” he asked.
Our friends stopped eating. We all went silent. And I wanted to crawl under the table.
Now here I was, clutching the phone and listening to my sister tell me she was done.
As soon as I hung up I called my best friend Margo. I told her what Kayla said and then asked, “What do you think about that?”
At first she didn’t speak. Then slowly, as if divulging a secret she’d held for a very long time, she said, “I’ve often wondered whether there was anything about you he does like.”
That was a defining moment for me.
Until then I assumed I was fundamentally flawed. That if only I could figure out what my husband wanted and be that, he would finally love me.
But now the genie was out of the bottle. “Wow, I’m not crazy,” I thought.
It took a few days to sink in. And when it did? I was pissed.
I told my husband what happened. And he acted like he had finally been caught.
Now here’s the thing. My husband was not a bad guy.
People around the world knew him as a selfless therapist and teacher devoted to their well being.
And he was … to all of them.
But he was also a man consumed with rage. And it got the best of him in his private moments. When only I was there.
This is not to excuse either one of us. It’s simply to paint the backdrop against which my only option was to find myself.
To figure out who I was when I wasn’t trying to fit the mold of what I thought someone else wanted.
Talk therapy helped. But it wasn’t until I started getting hypnotherapy that I began to change.
To know myself.
To value myself.
To understand I had a right to my wants and desires and feelings.
In the process, I discovered an invaluable truth …
I always was worthy. No matter how anyone else treated me.
Eventually my self-esteem outgrew my fear of being a single mom. We divorced. And we both went on to marry people who brought out our best.
My second husband treats me with kindness. And warmth. And understanding.
We wake up laughing in the morning. And we fall into bed laughing at night.
It’s a relationship that’s easy. I’m no longer walking on eggshells. Because now I know who I am. And I know what I deserve.
Now here’s what I want you to know …
There’s nothing you need to do to deserve the best in any relationship. Whether that’s with your husband, your wife, your colleagues or your kids.
Because you were born worthy.
And I’m here to help you rediscover your truth.
Because girl, you already paid at the gate.
A Few Professional Details
Founder, Access Your Destiny
HypnoFit® Licensed Partner
Certified Hypnotherapist, International Association of Counselors and Therapists
Certified Between-Lives Regression Therapist
Certified Past-Life Regression Therapist
Certified NLP Practitioner
President, Your True Calling Coach, Inc.
Founder, Craniosacral Success®
Master-Certified Money Breakthrough Business Coach
Certified Life Purpose and Career Coach
Award-Winning Writer and Editor